Nostalgia

Hello, friends. A thousand thoughts are swimming through my mind tonight. So many stories I want to tell. I had a birthday yesterday - I want to talk about that. Work was awful today - I want to talk about that. I went to the zoo on Sunday - I want to talk about that. I was in a web series called "The Sherman House Webisodes" (all 10 episodes are free to watch at www.shwebisodes.com) - I want to talk about that.

But if I had to narrow down tonight's overall emotion to one word, it would be "nostalgia."

I am feeling nostalgic because of this (watch now):

Tonight, I've been watching the season premiere of "The Voice" on Hulu. I know, I know, another cheesy singing contest show. Lame, right? But you have to admit, after watching this performance of "I've Just Seen A Face," you kind of want to keep watching the show, don't you?

This video makes me feel so nostalgic because this one performance makes me miss two former homes of mine, all in the same instant.

First, it makes me miss Austin, Texas. The couple who are singing in this video are from Austin. Before they started singing, we saw clips of them singing in Zilker Park in Austin.  Plus, the first time I ever heard the song "I've Just Seen a Face" was when I first saw the movie "Across the Universe," which I first saw in Austin in 2007.

Austin was such a transformative chapter of my life. I lived there from 2003 to 2008. I moved there right after college, so full of idealism, hope, and faith. I believed that all of my dreams could come true in Austin. And they did! Not only did I get to DJ at two commercial radio stations, but I also co-created and co-starred in a public access TV show called "The Austin Movie Show." And because of that show I got to work on film sets, commercial shoots, and casting calls. All of my showbiz dreams came true in Austin.

I am so grateful that I got to spend most of my 20s in Austin, Texas. It was the perfect setting. I was outward focused, I dreamed big, I got involved in everything I could, and I soaked it all in. However, all of this dreaming and doing eventually led to my melt-down. I could only push, push, and push some more for so long. I loved doing the dream jobs, but I also had day jobs (and over-night jobs and weekend jobs) on top of the dream jobs, and all my growing, expanding, and exploring eventually worn me out. It wore me out so much, that I just wanted to stop engaging completely with the outside world.

Which leads me to the opposite of Austin, Texas. London, England. This video from "The Voice" makes me as nostalgic for London as it does for Austin. "The Voice" is originally a British TV show. All of these singing shows are created in the UK. And then once they're successful in the UK, American producers decide to make an American version. But I saw the first original season of "The Voice" while I was living in London. In fact, the show premiered in England while Eric was visiting me in England for the first time. We had it on in the background while we planned our trip across the UK. Then after he left, I kept watching "The Voice" because it reminded me of how happy I was to have him in England.

London was just as transformative for me as Austin was, but for the exact opposite reason. In Austin, I was constantly trying to grow and expand and try more and experience more. More, more, more. Infinite possibilities. Go, go, go. But London was the opposite. My time in London (2010 to 2012) was introspective, quiet, and calm. I was not seeking a dream job in London. I wanted the easiest job I could find. And I found the easiest (and best) job I could find. I became a receptionist at the Rail Safety & Standards Board. I had an easy, predictable, mundane job. And I loved it.

I would mediate every day. I would spend hours walking home at night, through the beautiful and historic streets of London. I wasn't in any hurry. There was nowhere I had to be. I only had a handful of friends, but each precious friend was a gem to me. And I was so lucky to have found them. I went to West End shows for £10 on random Tuesday nights. I spent my Saturdays just walking along the South Bank, eventually ending up in Trafalgar Square. I didn't go on one date while I lived in London (if you don't count Eric). I was alone a lot. But I loved it. I loved getting to know me and learning that I like spending time with myself. I loved the inner calm and awareness that I didn't need a certain job or a certain relationship to be happy. In London, I learned that happiness was always inside of me all long, tucked away behind all the chaos and noise.

So tonight, as I watch "The Voice" on Hulu, I am overwhelmed with gratitude for these two particular (and opposite) chapters of my life. Thank you, Austin, for teaching a young girl that anything is possible and that dreams do come true. Thank you, London, for teaching me everything is already absolutely perfect, just as it is.

And thank you, dear friends, for letting me share these ramblings with you tonight.

Night-night,
Leila